


Letters To Sebastian

by Lyna_Laufeyson



Series: Saviour's Verse [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, Gen, Guilt, Letters to Myself, M/M, Self-Harm, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:46:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10107413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyna_Laufeyson/pseuds/Lyna_Laufeyson
Summary: Sebastian's letters from Chapter 26 of Saviours Song





	1. At First

1.

Dear Future Me,

I presume you’ll remember why you did this. Dr Donovan said it “might help me look forward to my future” But to be honest if reading this is all I have to look forward to there’s not really much point in living, is there?

She said that some patients do this to release emotions and see it as some kind of release but I don’t get it. I just feel like an idiot, I bet I’ll feel like an idiot it 10 years or whatever when I read this. If I live that long. I hope I don’t.

I know I’m supposed to be all optimistic in this but what is the point? I hate my life, I hate waking up every morning and seeing the pity in everyone’s eyes. Maman looks at me like she’s trying not to cry. Père doesn’t know what to do, I see him reach for me, to put a hand on my shoulder or hug me when I’m sad, but he always stops himself. Why does he always stop himself? Why won’t he hug me like he did before?

Olivier and Ruby both look at me like I’m broken. I want to talk to them like I used to but they treat me like glass.

Maman won’t let me go to school yet, but we went into the city yesterday. I could see everyone staring, I could hear them whispering. “Hey look, it’s the Smythe kid that was raped”. Their eyes follow me everywhere and I’m sick of it. I want it to end.

But I made a promise; to Dr Donovan, to Maman. I told them I would try. I told them I would fight. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I don’t want to feel so empty. That’s the only fucking reason I’m sat here in the dark writing this stupid letter. I hope that you don’t feel like this in the future. I hope you’re happy, and safe.

I’ll try for you, I’ll try to get better, I hope it works.

~ Sebastian


	2. At School

Dear Future Me,

Maman let me go to school today, it was as bad as I thought it would be. Everyone avoided me, it was like I had the plague or something. Max and Clarke pretended I didn’t exist. It hurts so much. I always knew that popularity was fickle but I thought I’d have at least one friend. But no, they all left me.

It was horrible at first. No one would sit next to me in class, they were talking about me behind my back. I heard Max saying that I had made it all up, that I was just a slut that wanted it rough, and then when it got too much I claimed rape. I don’t know who I hate more, him for making that shit up or the people who believed him.

At lunch I was on my own, I sat on the bench behind the tree in the quad. I didn’t bring any food with me and I didn’t feel like facing the judging stares of the cafeteria, so I sat reading my book and then he turned up.

A boy I’d never really noticed before, I knew he was in my year but I’d never spoken to him before. But there he was, he just came up with me and offered me his sandwich. His name is Etienne. He didn’t bug me about Louis, he just sat next to me, asking questions about my book and just normal things.

I hope you are his friend in the future, he seems like a good person. He doesn’t care about the whole thing with Louis and Jacques. He just wants to know me, the real me. Not the guy that was raped, but the boy who just wants to be normal.

I hope you and him are close in the future, I hope you do become the normal boy.

~ Sebastian


	3. I Hope

3.

Dear Future Me

Dr Donovan told me to write you a letter on all of my hopes and dreams. What I hope your life will be like; what you are aiming for. Dr Donovan said that it will be interesting to see how much I change in the future, to see if I want the same things.

First of all I just want to be happy. I want to be over this; I want to be able to do things that other people can do. I want to be able to go more than a few days without having to cut. I hate how alone I feel, I hate how much it hurts. So I hope that goes away. I hope the therapy works and I hope you’re happy.

Next I want you to have friends, not like I had before, but real friends. Ones that won’t care about my past. Ones that’ll have your back no matter what. I know Hunter will always be by your side- its impossible to get rid of. And Etienne is fast becoming my best friend. But I hope there will be more. I hope you have so many friends you’re never alone.

I hope you get good grades in school. I know I’ve always been ok but I’m going to try harder. I’m going to work hard to get the very best results possible. I want to be a Doctor. A paediatric surgeon if I can. I want to help children like the doctors at the hospital helped me. I want to save lives. I know it’ll be hard work but I know if I put my mind to it I can do it. I hope you still have this dream, I hope you are closer to achieving it than  am right now.

I hope you have a boyfriend, someone who loves you as much as you deserve. Someone who loves you with all their heart like you will love him. It’s too soon for me right now, but I want you to have someone who will care about you. Who won’t care that you’re damaged. I hope you find that special someone.

I want you to be happy, and deep down I know you will be.

~ Sebastian


	4. I Promise

4.

Dear My Future Love,

I want to thank you, so much. I know you will love me like I will love you. I know you don’t care about my past, you don’t care if I’m damaged deep down. You don’t care about what happened, you don’t care that I was weak and let Louis do what he did. I can’t thank you enough.

I know you’re beautiful, caring, sweet and kind. I hope I treat you right. I hope I make you happy, I know you’ll always make me happy. You’ll be my world. I’ll buy you anything you want, I’ll do anything you want. Just like I know you will for me.

I promise to never hurt you like Louis did me. I promise to look after you; I promise to cuddle with you and kiss you every day. I promise to do all of those cheesy romcom things with you like Louis didn’t do with me.

I promise to hold your hand when we walk down the street. I promise to fight for you, to support you, even if I think you’re wrong. I’ll be your rock when you need me to, like you’ll be mine.

I know we’ll be a strong couple, one of those ones that annoy other people with their cuteness and adorability. We will love each other so much and no one will be able to stop us.

I love you so much already, even though we’ve never met. I know you’re out there somewhere and someday we’ll be together.

All my love, Sebastian xxx


End file.
